


Dad: Why is the FBI here?

by Nyan_chanX3



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternative Universe - FBI, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Eventual Smut, FBI Agent Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Fluff, High School, M/M, Memes, Online Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 11:54:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17508140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyan_chanX3/pseuds/Nyan_chanX3
Summary: Eren is nearing the end of his junior year of highschool, when he almost dies only to be save by a stranger who called the hospital from his phone.   Things quickly start not to add up, considering he was home alone, and didn't get a chance to call anyone before passing out.The FBI meme AU where Levi is the FBI agent that reads your text messages and watches you through your webcam.





	Dad: Why is the FBI here?

**Author's Note:**

> Why did I stay up all night writing this? I have class in like 4hrs.

 

     It was a Saturday morning. The sun blared in through the window, it's horrid light blinding me through my eyelids, as I fought to go back to sleep. Fuck, why did I have to wake up so early?

  
_'I swear to God, if it's any earlier than 10:30 I'm going to kill Jean,'_ I agitatedly thought as I finally opened my eyes.    
The minute I sat up the worst fucking pain of my life shot through my brain.  I doubled over, my head spinning from the migraine that had my vision blurring.  I planted my hands in the sheets, on the verge of blacking out. Oh yeah, Jean was definitely dead now.

  
     "I found my dad's stash of booze," he said.  "We can get drunk," he said.  "It'll be fun," he said.

  
     No. It was not fucking fun. I could barely remember half of last night, and I was currently dying.

  
     Neither of us had ever gotten drunk before. I thought it was a stupid idea, and was scared Jean's dad would find out how all his booze mysteriously went missing. I was about to say no, but then Jean Equine dared me to do it. He said that I was, "Just a pussy boy who, couldn't hold his liquor." I was going to make him eat, well drink, his words. Literally,..

  
     ... and that's how we ended cutting our last class to sneak into his dad's cellar, and steal the booze before anyone came home. The hardest part was strategically avoiding Mikasa while trying to skip class. God knows we'd both be royally fucked if she ever found out.

  
     Once we were clear, I sent a text to Mikasa saying I was staying the night at Jean's place. We hid the booze under Jean's bed, and played video games until it got late enough to sneak out without waking his parents.

     Then it was off to Reiner’s place where we could get shit face drunk, until we eventually would have to break back into Jean's room before daylight.

  
     I vaguely remember playing beer pong with Jean, Annie and Bertholdt at Reiner’s, but everything started to get fuzzy after about the third or forth shot. Jean didn't even look fazed, and I wasn't about to quit when he was already on his fifth. Curse me for apparently being a light weight _. ‘You fail me, my German blood!’_

  
     Later on into the night I think Marco might have shown up, but I'm not sure. I haven't really remembered anything else. Speaking of which, _'Where the fuck am I?'_

  
     Finally lifting my head I noticed I was actually in bed. Looking round the room it was apparently Jean's bed. I guess I actually made it back last night. I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd just crashed at Reiner’s.

  
     Rolling over, I felt around for my phone. Finally finding it, my fingers touched the cool glass surface. Grabbing it, I turned it on. I squinted my eyes trying to read the time against the dim screen. 9:58am, it read faintly. _‘God, let me die,’_ I thought morbidly. Turning up the brightness, I noticed I had several unread messages. The first 3 were from Mikasa.

 

 

**Mikasa:**

  
Yesterday.  
@4:32pm

  
Eren where are you? I just got out of student council. Did you go home yet?

 

 

**Mikasa:**

  
Yesterday.  
@4:33pm

Oh, you went home with Jean.

 

**Mikasa:**

  
Yesterday  
@4:33pm

  
I really wish you wouldn't do that Eren. You should have come and told me instead of just leaving. I could have really used your help cleaning this weekend. Oh well guess it's too late now. You better be back tomorrow, because I am not doing all of it by myself. Don't forget we also have finals next week, and I know you haven’t studied. That's why Armin is coming over. I expect you back by noon.

 

 

My migraine just got ten times worse. _‘God, I need an aspirin,’_ I thought ruefully, checking the rest of my messages. The next one was from Jean, if I thought Mikasa was enough to deal with Jean was something else.

 

 

**MylittleBrony:**

@5:34am

  
Whoah, so hey Eren I may have lied when I said to go home, and I’d meet you at the house later. I’m not going to be back for a bit either. So idk, but don’t let my mom find out.

 

**JeagerBombastic:**

@10:05am

  
What the fuck Jean?!  
What the hell were you doing all night?!

 

  
Seriously Jean is such as dick, bailing on me and then making me deal with his problems. My migraine was not easing at all, and this fucking bullshit was making me nauseous. Closing my eyes I tried to will the pain to go away. After a few minutes I felt my phone buzz. Looking down it was Jean. How was he even up?! He'd literally texted me at 5:30am last night.

 

 

 **MylittleBrony:**  
@10:16am

  
Oh, I think the better question Eren, is what weren't we doing, and where weren't we doing it? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **JeagerBombastic:**  
@10:17am

  
God, Jean! That's fucking gross. I’m not coving for you, just so you can have morning sex with Marco. Like seriously, what am I going to say if I run into your mom Jean-bo?

 

 **MylittleBrony:**  
@10:17am

  
Ha. You just wish you could get ass like me. So shut the fuck up, cause, yes, you are going to cover for me. If my mom finds out, Mikasa is also finding out.

 

 **MylittleBrony:**  
@10:18am

  
Also consider this my victory for you losing your bet. You owe me now. Enjoy your virginity.

 

 **JeagerBombastic:**  
@10:18am

  
You're fucking lucky Mikasa scares me, because you'd be in deep shit. Also I'm pretty sure it’s illegal to fuck an animal. So I owe you nothing.

 

 **JeagerBombastic:**  
@10:19am

  
Just tell me where you keep the fucking aspirin. I destroy more and more of my brain cells the longer I talk to you.

 

 **MylittleBrony:**  
@10:20am

  
Aww, Does poor baby Eren have a hangover?

 

 **JeagerBombastic:**  
@10:20am

  
What?! You don't? You had more drinks than me! How are you not dead right now?

 

 **MylittleBrony:**  
@10:20am

  
It's because, unlike you I'm not a weakling, and you didn't get laid. Also first cabinet, medicine drawer, to the right of the sink.

 

     I let out a loud groan, as I threw the phone down on the bed. This day was just fucking fantastic. God, I hated Jean. This was all his fault.

  
     I'd been sitting for a few minutes, but I was going to push my luck by standing up. Slowly I slid by legs off the bed till they reached the floor. Swallowing my pain, I tested my luck by standing up. The world spun. The floor looked like the ceiling, and I suddenly felt extremely nauseous. I had to hold onto the headboard to keep from passing out, but now I was afraid I was about to vomit on Jean's bed. Fuck. _‘Serves him right if I did, that damn bastard!’_ I fumed sourly.

  
     Finally my head stop spinning enough for me to be able to stumble my way to the bathroom, and empty my guts into the toilet. Fuck, this sucked. _‘Aspirin, aspirin, I need to get the aspirin.’_ I thought forcing my legs to co operate. Grabbing the ledge of the sink, I pulled myself up to my feet desperately trying to open the medicine cabinet. I looked around until I finally found a bottle labeled aspirin.

     

     Opening the lid I popped out two large pills swallowing them dry. _‘God it was a miracle I didn’t choke’_ Turning on the faucet, I cupped my hands and drank down the tap water with the fear of suffocation very real in my mind. Rinsing my mouth, I finally rid myself of the taste of vomit and chemicals.

  
     Cleaning my face up, I finally started to feel a little better. Besides the viscous pain in my head, I was actually kind of awake. I was still in my clothes from yesterday, my eyes were blood shot, and my hair was a complete mess.

  
     Testing my light headedness, I made my way crawling downstairs to the Kitchen. I noticed a note on the refrigerator. Looking closer it was from Jean's mom.

 

  
**I'm leaving this morning to help with the food pantry with Linda. I know you boys stayed up late, but I don’t want you to go hungry. Your Omelet is on the stove. I know it's your favorite. I will be back this afternoon. Mommy loves you Jean-bo ♡**

  
     Pfft. My eyes watered with tears as I burst out laughing. Jean-bo! Ha.  
At least I didn't have to deal with Jean’s shit. In fact, not only that, I was going to eat his omelet.

  
     Going over to the stove, and removing the napkin over a plate, there sat the perfect little golden omelet. Its smell was delicious, and it was still warm too. Jean’s mom was a really good cook, and Jean was an ass and didn't deserve it anyway.

  
     Picking up the plate, I searched a few drawers till I found a fork. Then walked over to sit down at the table. Pulling out my phone, I opened my camera pointing it at the omelet. Digging in with my fork and picking up a piece, I made sure to get a good shot before sending it to Jean.

 

  
To: **MylittleBrony:**

  
**JeagerBombastic:**  
@11:15am  
Img.jpg  
Since you're too busy having a dick up ur ass I guess you won't mind if I eat this >:)

 

     With that I flipped my phone off on the table, and dug in. Immediately a million burst of flavors flooded my mouth, and I practically moaned at the taste. Mrs. Kristensen’s cooking really was the best.

  
     Hurriedly I took another bite of the delicious omelet. It was the right amount of everything, not to salty, but not too bland. Oddly enough the more I ate the spicier it tasted. It was still good though, but now I couldn't deny it was definitely spicy. In fact my whole mouth was starting to feel hot, like really hot, like it was on fire!

  
     I started coughing viciously, my whole throat felt like it was burning. _What the hell was in that?!_ My eyes watered as I looked up, and saw the garlic powder sitting on the counter. Fuck.

  
     This was not good. I rarely worried about food because Jean's mom knew about my allergy, but that was Jean's omelet, and I'd already eaten at least half of it. I could feel my mouth start to go numb the longer I waited, my tongue already starting to swell up. I didn't bring my EpiPen. Jean was practically dead, and nobody was home.

     Coughing even harder I tried to stand up, and reach for my phone, but my unsteady hands slipped and I dropped it. The phone fell and slid across the kitchen floor.  My head was spinning again. I tried to get up to go grab it, but the minute I stood my legs crumbled. It was getting hard to breath, my lungs coughing and straining for air against my swollen throat. I was scared now. My vision was blurry with tears. What was going to happen. All because of Jean's stupid omelet. _Fuck you Jean._

  
    Of all the ways to go why something so stupid, preventable,…. useless. Fuck. Just like everything else about me. A fuck up, always too brash, always too careless, that can never do anything right. A shitty brat, just like everyone says. It doesn't matter what I do. Nothing changes, but still… _I,… I don’t want to die! Not like this._ I’ve always been stuck. _I want to see and understand the world. I don’t want to die inside these walls without knowing what’s out there!_ I may be brash, and careless. I might not think before I act, but one thing I never do is give up. _If you win, you live. If you lose, you die. If you don’t fight, you can’t win! Fight to live, risk it all.. so fight_!

  
     With the renewed strength I started to crawl toward my phone. My vision started to go black, but I’m almost there. _Just, a little further….Come on! Fight_! I can almost reach. _Fight. Fight. Fight. FIGHT! FIGHT!!!_ The darkness creeped in, my muscles slowly giving out on me. I watched helplessly my outstretched hand went limp. _‘No.’_ My mind shouted, _‘I’m not gonna die here…’_ However, this time my pleads were to no avail, and everything went black.

 

* * *

 

“Hello. 911 What's your emergency?”

 

“Eren Jeager age 17, is highly allergic to garlic, just collapsed from food poisoning at 137 south Rose Boulevard, and is in immediate need of assistance.”

  
“Okay sir we'll have an ambulance pick up right away. In the mean time does Eren have an EpiPen in the house? Find it as quickly as possible, and I'm willing to walk you through how to use it.”

  
“No. I’m sorry I am not with Eren. He is alone right now, and I was the only person he was able to contact before he passed out. He does not have his EpiPen.”

  
“Alright. We will do what we can. Would you like to be notified when the ambulance arrives?”

  
“If it's alright, I'd prefer to stay on the line till he reaches the hospital.”

  
“I can't keep you on this line, since we need it open for emergencies, but I can put you on hold and have the hospital contact you when he arrives.”

  
“Thank you. You are very kind.”

  
“It’s no problem. We understand your concern. Also may I have your name?”

  
“It’s Levi, …just Levi.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fic, and I plan to make it chaptered. 
> 
> Yes I realize this is a dead meme, but I've had this fic idea for months. Posting the 1st chapter is my way of being progressive and making myself finish this . It was either that or wait till I finish all of it to post. Which I still might do idk.  
> Also sorry first chapter is a bit short. It's just the introduction, and kinda a pilot for this fic.  
> Leave Kudos if you liked and want me to continue UwU.


End file.
